Sam knew there would be trouble when the freshmen walked in and introduced themselves to the others. Everyone looked up from their UNO cards to say hello. But immediately afterwards the two boys’ gaze, of course, was pulled to Maria and Rob who were at the far end of the classroom, looking over old attendance sheets and the club charter as they sat on the floor with their backs turned to the door. The two freshmen, after saying hello to Sam, Melissa, and Shira, walked over to Maria and Rob, who hadn’t realized that they had entered. The one without the glasses spoke up, as he always spoke for the two of them.

Sam was sitting close enough to them to hear it. And smart enough to recognize the problem. When Maria and Rob turned around quickly, the two freshmen let out a silent and sharp inhale that only Sam heard. He recognized the sound immediately. They, too, clearly did not expect the president of the Association of Socialist Students to be so attractive. Sam smiled slyly to himself, as he had a similar reaction when he joined the year before. He only hoped the two kids wouldn't cause as much trouble over Maria’s brown eyes as he had.

The rest of the meeting went according to expectations. No one else showed up, the attendance sheet was passed around and filled, Shira won the game of UNO, and then Maria talked about the club, introduced the advisors (She was the president, Rob was the vice president, Melissa was the treasurer, Shira was the PR organizer, and Sam had his own role which went unannounced), and then talked about the events and activities that the club was usually involved in throughout the year. Sam noticed how Maria was speaking as if everyone but the two new freshmen weren’t already aware of everything. But he found it amusing, as he was the only newmember last year as well and experienced the same, unilateral treatment. The two freshman boys could not take their eyes off of her, and that amused Sam as well, seeing yet another similarity. Then suddenly a sense of worry shot through his heart. A sense of fear. But he forced the feeling to pass. He was still a different man from the two of them. They acted similarly but they were simply not him and would not become what he had become.

The meeting was adjourned soon after that. The two freshmen boys looked at each other and left quietly. Maria and Rob were packing their things. As Sam waited for them he watched Melissa and Shira play another game of UNO. Maria and Rob finished packing but stood watching the game with Sam. It ended with a twist. Melissa had only two cards left when she gave Shira a plus four. Shira ended up with four plus twos and ended it.

“Shit! Shit! What?” Melissa yelled with a delighted smile. “That was pure luck!”

“No, it’s called skill,” Shira smirked.

Rob tapped Sam on the shoulder and gave him a nod towards the door. The three of them said goodbye to Melissa and Shira and walked out.

“What do you guys wanna do now?” Maria asked.

“Wanna get a drink?” Rob suggested. “We could go to my room.”

Sam and Maria agreed. They walked out of the building and onto the black concrete pathways that went through the campus like a road map. It was nice and sunny in early September.

“Those two new freshmen seem nice,” Maria said.

“They were crushing on you,” Sam said with a smirk. He leaned forward and looked past Maria at Rob who was smiling in agreement.

“How do you know?” Maria asked.

“I could tell from their breathing. They were surprised by how good you looked.”

“Is that true? Does that really happen?”

“Yeah, I noticed it too,” Rob agreed.

“That Alex one was cute,” Maria said.

“Which one was Alex?” Sam asked.

“The one with the glasses. I forgot the other one’s name.”

They reached Lethermore Resident Hall and Rob swiped them into the building with his resident ID. They climbed the stairs to the third floor.

“Elevator hasn’t been working for the past week,” Rob said.

“You kept forgetting my name last year,” Sam said.

“That wasn’t my fault! You didn’t speak for like the first three weeks!”

“Oh yeah! I remember that!” Rob exclaimed.

“Oh, it was so cute!” Maria cried. “And whenever you did speak you would always trip over your words!” Sam regretted bringing it up.

They reached the third floor and walked to Rob’s room. He unlocked the door and flicked on the lights. Sam’s legs were tired from the climb up, and he let himself down on Rob’s bean bag. Maria pulled over another, smaller bean bag from the closet and slid it next to Sam’s before plopping down on it and crossing her legs high above her head and chest. Rob walked next to his bed and reached into the tight space between it and the wall. His face strained as he reached before he pulled out a small case of Miller Lite. He brought the cans to Sam and Maria and sat down next to his girlfriend on her small beanbag. She leaned a head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her as the three of them drank.

“Do you ever feel bad about being an RA that hides drinks in his dorm?” Sam asked.

“Why do you think I applied in the first place?”

“Sam, rules are for breaking and beer is for drinking. One day you’ll get it.” Maria smiled at him.

The way they were sitting reminded Sam of the first time he drank. They were in Rob’s dorm just as now, sitting on bean bags just as now, and Sam took to the beer naturally. Maria and Rob were surprised.

Rob dropped an empty can on the floor and grabbed another. “Do you still write, Sam?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Oh really? Anything new?”

“I wrote a poem last week.”

“Was it a love poem?” Maria asked, “You’re good at those.”

“No, it was a sad one.”

“What do you have to be sad about?” Rob mocked.

“Let him talk, Rob,” Maria said. She turned to Sam and nodded, her long, straight black hair brushing over her shoulders as she did.

“It’s not about me. It’s about a man who tries really hard to kill himself but each time something gets in his way.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Maria asked.

“No, because he wants to die.”

“What’s the point in a poem like that?” Rob asked as he reached for another can.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why not write something nice instead?”

“You haven’t read it yet, how do you know it’s not nice?”

“How can it be? It’s about a man killing himself.” Maria looked bored with the whole conversation.

“Trying to kill himself,” Sam corrected.

“Whatever. What else have you written?”

“Nothing else.”

“No more love poems?”

Sam shook his head. “I’m not in love.” Maria looked at him as she reached down for another can.

“Makes sense,” Rob said. “I mean, who’s gonna love you?”

Sam smiled. “Well, there’s gotta be someone out there.”

“Yes, there are many whores.” Rob bursted into laughter.

“Oh, come off it, Rob,” Maria said, annoyed. “You’re drunk.” She removed his arm from her shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m drunk. But at least I know how to write love poems.”

Maria pulled away from him and pushed him off of the bean bag with her leg. “Just get out, Rob. You can’t control yourself when you drink. Get out!”

Rob looked at her with his butt on the cold wooden floor. “And where should I go?”

“Go to the bathroom,” she said. “Sit on a toilet until you’re sober. Then you can come back. Or just don’t come back at all, I have to talk with Sam anyways.”

“About love poems?” Rob mocked. His intoxication was obvious now.

“Somethings are our business,” Maria shot back.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure you have got your own business.” Rob got up and moved slowly to the door. He closed the door quietly behind him.

“I’m so sorry about him,” Maria said to Sam. Her eyes went wide with sympathy and Sam understood that she meant what she said. She moved quickly close to him, sitting on the bean bag with him and leaning on his shoulder. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“I know.” Sam rested his cheek on top of her head but she lifted hers quickly up.

“And neither do you!” She exclaimed.“What do you mean?”

“Are you not in love with me anymore, Sam Horowitz?”

“Of course I am.”

“But you said you’re not in love with anyone.”

“I am not in love enough to write love poems anymore.”

“So you really have stopped writing those poems?”

“I’ve written a few lines, but a few lines aren’t a poem. They are too short and not sweet enough.”

“Let me see them, Sam.”

“I never put any of them on paper. They’re short enough to remember.”

“So then say one to me, Sam, Jesus.”

Sam sipped from his can and looked at Maria’s brown eyes which he had gone through so much trouble for.

“No, but the scariest thing is when you can only make her smile while all the others can make her laugh.”

“Oh, Sam, I think it’s even better than the longer ones.” She rested her head on his shoulder, and he laid his cheek on her head, feeling her soft hair. “But, why does it start with ‘no’?”

“Because I thought of it in the middle of a conversation,” he explained. “I was talking to Shira about phobias. I don’t remember why. She told me she thought that the dark was the scariest thing, because you never know, something could be staring at you and you would never even know it. That’s when this sentence came into my mind. I guess I was thinking of you in the back of my head.”

“I don’t know anyone else who can think of things like that,” Maria said. “You’re a genius Sam. You know that, right?” Sam didn’t answer. He left the question and wouldn’t think about it.

They sipped from their cans. “I still love you very much, Maria.”

“I know, Sam.”

“I love you very much.”

“I know.”

“I love you and I don’t love anyone else.”

Maria lifted herself up and looked at him, irritated.

“Why do you have to say things like that?” She said, almost yelling.

“I only said things that you already know are true.”

“Yes, but why do you have to say it?”

“Am I not supposed to say the truth?”

“No,” she said, “Not always.” She looked at him with an angry expression on her face for

a few seconds. Then her look softened and changed from anger to sadness. She dropped her head

onto his shoulder, not gently.

“Oh Sam,” she whined, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for you. What are you going to do with everything you have? I’m sorry you’re so alone, Sam. I really am sorry. I’m so sorry Sam.” Her voice distorted. Muffled. Sam could feel the cloth on his shoulder go cold. Wet.

“I’m not alone,” Sam said in a straightforward tone. “I have you and Rob and Melissa and Shira.”

“No, but the scariest thing is when you can only make her smile while all the others can make her laugh,” Maria repeated perfectly. Exactly. “Only lonely people say things like that Sam.” She cried a little more onto his shoulder. The skin under his sleeve was getting wet.

“It’s only like you said: I’m a genius.”

“Yes, very smart and very, very lonely.”

“Why do you say things like that? It doesn’t make any sense. How can I be lonely when I have so many people around me?”

“But you are lonely, Sam. You know that you’re lonely and I’m sorry that you are.”

Sam again did not look at what Maria had said. He left it.

“I love you very much, Maria.”

“And there is no other soul that I trust,” she replied solemnly. Like it was all just a terrible accident. “But I’ve known him for so long. He’s going to be a doctor. I think I want to marry him.”

“I know,” Sam replied. “You’ve said.”

“I like him a lot.”

Sam sipped and nodded. “You’ve said.”

“I like to be with him.”

“I know.”

“And I can hardly marry you.”

“I know.”

Footsteps came close to the door. It was Rob.

Maria lifted her head up from Sam’s shoulder and he looked at her face. It was bright red, and her eyes were still teary. She placed her hands on the back of his neck and pulled him in. She kissed him. On his face. His nose. She moved away and Sam finished his beer. Rob came in. He looked much better.

“Maria? Are you crying?”

“No,” she said calmly. “I’m fine.”

“Were you guys still talking about poetry? Is that why you’re crying? Did I miss a good line?” he asked sarcastically.

“No,” Maria said again. “Actually, it was terrible. Sam was just telling me he’s in love with me.”

“Right,” Rob chuckled slightly. Hesitantly. Unsure.

He walked over to where Sam was sitting and gave him his hand to grab. Sam accepted with a smile and let Rob pull him to his feet. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go get some more beers, I’m all out.”

“Actually, I have some stuff to do,” Sam said.

“Oh, come on, Sam!” Maria said from the smaller bean bag.

“Are you sure?” Rob pleaded.

“I’m sure. I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”As Sam walked out of the building he felt the sun hit his face and blast him with heat. He walked to the library. He had an Anthropology project that he hadn’t started due in two days. It was assigned a week ago. As he walked he thought about his first meeting with the Association of Socialist Students. Shira and Melissa were playing UNO, and Rob and Maria were going over the charter and attendance sheets on the floor. He introduced himself and watched as Maria’s long black hair flew over her shoulder as she turned to look at him.

“Hi!” she said excitedly.

He inhaled quickly and suddenly. And at that moment he started writing.

Future expires. Past dies. All that is left is in her eyes.